New Year's Day

Well, guess what? Nothing much has changed. I sort of laugh as I remind myself, yet again, to get used to this slow progress. This next week or so will be focused on weening him from the ventilator, because until that happens, he can't do any serious physical therapy. He was off the ventilator for two and a half hours for at least twice today. They probably did the same tonight. This is great news, as that's an hour more each time than yesterday. As long as he does well with it, they will gradually increase the time until he is off completely. His body has been at rest since the accident, so just the act of using his lungs for a few hours completely exhausts him. To us who breathe without thinking, it seems so easy, so effortless. But for his body, it is a lot of work. He doesn't struggle to do it, but as soon as he's back on the respirator he falls asleep. They basically want all of his energy to go towards breathing, because therapy will be limited until he can be in a wheelchair and not confined to his room.

The first thing dad said to me today was "scissors". (And know that every time I say "dad said" I mean dad mouthed it and we read his lips.) I was confused, frustrated, and clearly convinced he was going crazy. I asked why scissors and he said, "I need a haircut". As I looked at his shaggy hair, I had to question how this man that can't feel 87% of his body, and hasn't seen a mirror in a long time, somehow knows that he needs a haircut. Funny how the mind works.

I feel like we are in the hardest part of it right now, he's frustrated, we're frustrated. But I have to believe there is a reason God wants him immobile right now. He is such a mover...always needing to putz...never sitting still. As hard as it is to see him like this, I have to believe that dad is right where God wants him. Many of us know dad as the funny, sweet man that of course he is...but he can also be very stubborn, and I hope and pray that God is working in his heart as we speak. When we are taken through times of crisis, I know that God, with surgical precision, is carving out the things in our hearts that keep us from Him. We are all being changed...our faith is being refined...our roots are digging deeper. We pray for open hearts and minds... dad's, mom's, all of ours.

Thanks for all the prayers. You have no idea how reassuring it is to know that when we fail...when we falter...there are still people out there praying for dad and the family. Today is a day we so desperately need it. So thank you.