Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Bohr Report

Well, it's been awhile since you heard from me, Pat, but after some nudging from family members, I feel the need to tell you what it's really like to be a quad. I think this will also be therapeutic for me. I'm going to let it all hang out and tell you how I'm really doing. But before I get started, I want to praise God in the highest, because I no longer need dialysis! My kidneys have returned to function, yes, my kidneys are working! I can't tell you how big a deal this is for me. And, I thank all of you that prayed from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much.

So now for all the friends that have asked my family members, "How is he doing? No, how is he really doing?" When I meet people on the street and they ask, "How are you doing?" I always say, "I am doing well, thank you". I never say, "Well I cried the other day for an hour because I can't ever rollerblade again." I don't say, "Well I had an accident, I pooped in my pants and was so humiliated that I wished I had died."

Now don't get me wrong, God is good, and I believe He has something in store for me to do. I believe good will come of all this, and in fact much good has all ready come from my accident. So when I tell you about my bad days I am doing so because I think people really want to know and again it will be good therapy for me. So here we go, what you are about to hear may not be appropriate for small children, reader discretion is advised.

After being in the hospital so long it became my home. I was very comfortable there, everything was predictable. The worst part was waking up every morning, opening my eyes and trying to move so I could get out of bed, and then remembering that I was a quad. I'd sometimes get a lump in my gut and think, no, not me, not forever. But then the nurses would come in to get me up and in my chair and I'd forget my plight. I had been using a chair supplied by the hospital for the first months, and then my chair arrived. The nurses were excited and said, "Wow, this is a beauty, Jean picked out a really nice chair for you!" But I thought, "Why, I won't be in a chair for that long, what's going on?" It took an a long time for my brain to catch up with my new condition. And still I will try to kick open a door with my foot and is just doesn't happen. But in the hospital they kept me so busy during the day with therapy that I didn't have much time to think about my new state.

There were no reminders of my old life. Jeanne brought many pictures of our grandkids and posted them on the wall where I could see them. But she was careful not to bring anything that would remind me of what I couldn't do. She made sure there were no pictures of me sailing, standing, driving or anything that would remind me of what I would never do again. She knew it was going to be a huge adjustment and it would have to happen in steps. She's a smart woman who has amazed me.

This is all for today, but I will continue sharing what I experienced when I first came home and the days that followed. This blog will now become my journal, because I feel I am finally ready to go back and remember what has happened. It has been a hard road, but God has never stopped being good and being my source of comfort and strength, but more on that later. Glory to God.