Cool Nights, Warm Days

Dad had a little bit of a crazy night. He went to bed last night shivering and covered in blankets, then this morning he woke up with a fever and had to be packed down with ice. Spinal cords do weird things when they are injured. In dad's case, his spinal cord is trying to regulate his body temperature along with its many other responsibilities, and it tends to get a little out of whack. They tell us this is all normal with his injury, but we pray that tonight all is lukewarm for Pops.

When I was with dad tonight, one his nurses Michelle was telling me the positives of the day. He had three solid hours of therapy. Awesome. And he was able to communicate to her more specifically what he feels when he's anxious instead of just "I can't breath. I can't breath." Another awesome. He tends to have a number of these 'panic attacks' throughout the day where he feels like he's not getting enough air. So he gets very anxious and can't seem to control it, even when he knows that all his levels are strong and there's no need to panic. So for him to be able to really explain what he is feeling is great, so the nurses can start to address the problem.

Sometimes these attacks are a result of something else altogether, which is where that A D thing comes in. It's a way of his body telling him that somethings amiss, even if it's a tiny pinch or a hangnail. And this is where our #1 caretaker/cheerleader/booty shaker comes in, a.k.a. mom. Today she was able to see dad growing anxious, correctly diagnose the problem, and even fix it herself. And I won't expand on the details but let's just say it wasn't a hangnail. Mom did a great job and should have her honorary nurse's degree by the time Pops is out of the hospital. It's easy to feel inadequate when you're suddenly forced to be a caretaker, but I couldn't be more proud of the way she is handling the responsibilities, as overwhelming as they are.

As I shared a few precious moments with Pops tonight, I couldn't help but ask myself, "Is this really happening?" Even so long after the accident, I see that lifeless body and think of the Thanksgiving just weeks before it happened....playing football in the street outside Grandma's house. It's crazy. He's paralyzed. He's a talking head on a lifeless body. Sure, his right arm moves and there's a little bit of finger wiggling, but when they lay him down on a mat in rehab...he's completely helpless. Can't sit up, can't prop himself up, can't move. It's just sometimes hard to believe.

But it makes me realize that my love for him has nothing to do with what his body can or can't do. As I came to see him tonight, I was just so dang excited....not cause of what I may see wiggle or bend, but just because he's my Pops. I love him for who he is, not what he does.

And seeing dad tonight gave me such a clear picture of how my Heavenly Father loves me. Not for what I do, not for serving here, serving there, not for being busy every night of the week, not for my attendance in any group, church, or club. God loves me for me....and he gets so excited when I just want to be with Him. I thank God tonight for dad, that he's getting a chance to be still and know that God is God...to not be burdened with all the "doing" but getting a chance to just "be". May our "being" always be more important than our "doing".

Praise God for another day.