And One Tiny Step Back

Ok, so I guess we should be used to this by now. It's so easy to forget that this road we're on has hills and valleys. We just get so darn excited when he's had a great day that we forget there will still be ups...and downs. Nothing bad happened today, we just didn't see dad in his top form like yesterday. He says he remembers yesterday's conversations, seeing Becky and the kids, seeing his brothers, and moving into the spinal cord unit. So we know that yesterday was truly a wake-up day for him. But today he was just emotionally and physically drained. And why wouldn't he be...today he was 'awake' for the first time as he was lifted into his wheelchair, as he saw his own body and all the muscle he has lost. He looks quite different than he did three weeks ago, and although we have grown accustomed to the change, he hasn't. It took a lot out of him to be faced with the reality of how broken his body really is.

It's good to see him starting to take care of himself...he now has a straw that he can blow into to get the nurse's attention, he now has a suction tube that hangs right in front of him that lets him clear out his own mouth. Those spinal cord nurses really know what they're doing, and they won't do anything for him that he can do himself...which isn't much, but you've got to start somewhere. So we are at peace knowing he's in excellent hands. He slept for some of the time while we were there, and right now he just is not in the shape to have visitors. The respiratory therapist is in with him a lot, and dad needs quiet to work on breathing on his own. He has moments when he is off the respirator that he seems to panic...it must be a scary feeling breathing alone after having a machine take your every breath for you the past three weeks. So he really needs more time to get better, and we thank you so much for honoring that request. When he is off of the respirator in the next few weeks, he will be able to speak...can't wait. Right now, he just gets frustrated when he can't communicate, so it's better to let him be.

Although he was somewhat out of it today, we thank God that we know he's in there. Yesterday was a blessing because it assured us that he's really all there. We ask for prayer tonight that he would sleep well. He is so tired, and we pray for his peace of mind so that he can get some good rest. Tomorrow is a new day...it may be a hill, it may be a valley....but God is in both so it just don't matter!