Dad would have loved this weekend....lots of snow....lots of plowing. He would have been out all day, plowing any untouched driveway he could find, just for the pure joy of it. He'd probably have the grandkids strapped in beside him, and they'd end their plow-a-palooza with a trip to the coffee shop. Days like today, I really, really miss dad. Blizzards just aren't the same without him.
Yesterday was a big day...he finally got a real shower. He sure looked good when I saw him, squeaky clean, well-dressed, and new shoes to top it off. He was pretty sleepy, we just hung out and watched a movie...he hasn't been wearing his talking valve as it creates more secretions and the doctors were worried he was silently aspirating the fluid into his lungs. So because he has to mouth words, he doesn't like to say much. His new meds also keep him pretty drowsy.
Pops had a rough night last night, barely any sleep, up with anxiety and respiratory problems...caught in the cycle of panic and shortness of breath and needing to be suctioned. It's frustrating for everyone involved. Because he got no sleep last night, he was exhausted today and slept a lot, thankfully, I guess. They really want to get him into a pattern of sleeping all night, and up all day, so our big prayer is that his nights get better. He is still very dependent on his anxiety meds, and can't seem to function well without them. We hope that more psych consults this week will get to the source of his panic.
It's hard right now. It's been awhile since I've seen "dad". I long for the days pre-ICU/pneumonia when he was talking and funny and quick and just "dad". Now he's mostly quiet, withdrawn, sullen, and just, not "dad". I want him out of this funk. I want him to hear him talk. I want to see him try. I want him to care about his life. I want my dad back.
Why this is happening, I don't know. How God is working in this, I can't see. How we'll get through this, I can't explain. But isn't that what faith is? Not knowing, not seeing, not understanding...but still believing.
God, I believe You are working. I believe You love us. I believe You have great things ahead for my dad. We choose to trust You. Please. Please. Please. Give dad rest tonight. Be his comfort. Be his peace. Help him to find You in his moments of panic.
And thank You for finding me in mine.
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8 comments:
Amy and family, It is interesting that a snowfall makes you think in such ways as I saw a Jeep plowing out the neighbor yesterday and I thought, "Is that Pat?" But the Jeep was red and reality came back.... The mind works in so many strange yet wonderful ways. This is God keeping himself known to us. I thanked God that your Dad was still here to hopefully some day be home and "playing" in the snow in some way. I do believe that it will happen, as all things are possible if we believe. But some times that is the tough part.... Please keep believing...
i'm still with you all, bohrs!! every day.....all the way!! the prayers are nonstop. they truly are. i feel your frustratiion, i really do. "HEALING AND PEACE".
arch
Hang in there, Amy. We've all been there; watching, waiting, holding our breath and waiting some more. I pray for peace for you and the family. Call in sick to your boss and come up and play with those babies in the snow - while you're at it - come over and get Jean too.
Peace,
Shelly
Phi 3:13-14 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Amy & Co - I know how stressful anxiety can be. It sometimes seems worse than the physical problems. Both my husband & my dad went through anxiety coinciding with something that went wrong w/ them physically & the stress on their spirit/mind & bodies. Remember that it takes a few weeks for the meds to get into his system. There's a light ahead...
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine. I will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. You will not be burned when you walk through the fire, and the flame will not burn you. For I am the LORD your GOD the holy one of Isreal, your Savior."
Isaiah 43: 1-3
This early morning - can't sleep so am praying for you - for Pat and the Bohrman family that this trial will not overwhelm or cause anxiety, fear, or strongholds. Please, Father grant in Pat a supernatural peace so he may rest in YOUR loving arms. Also, grant wisdom and discernment for the DRs that they dx and have effective treatment for any issues as they arise. Give the family patience, much needed breaks for refreshment, and travel mercies as they travel to and from the hospital. During this lenten season we pause to remember the difficult road YOU took culminating in YOUR suffering, crucifiction and resurrection. Father, YOU are a faithful guide, help us to trust more completely in YOUR great wisdom and boundless love. AMEN
Love<><
Jenny
Dear Amy,
Anxiety is so frustrating because it is so real to your dad and so unexplainable to the rest of your family and his care givers. When I cared for my ailing mother, anxiety was the biggest problem for me because it made her withdraw to a safe place which prevented her from doing the things necessary to get better. I pray that God will wrap His arms tightly around your dad so that Pat will gain a renewed sense of security; a renewed spirit; a renewed desire to work hard to achieve his rehab goals and return home to all of you. We all miss him. There are hundreds of people praying for all of you in hundreds of places around the world and we will not stop! God Bless you!
Lindy Hauber
Please tell Pat that Steve Dunn and the gang at Metaltek are thinking of him. I miss my conversations on the phone with him. He is definitely in our prayers!
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