The last few days have been pretty rough for Pops. Although he is off the respirator, he has been having some lung issues along with increased anxiety. Last night and this morning were very hard for him, he was having some respiratory problems so they took another chest x-ray today. There is still a lot of fluid in his lungs which is keeping him from breathing well, which then makes him anxious, which then makes his blood pressure rise, which then makes it difficult for him to get air in his lungs, which then keeps him from taking strong breaths, which then increases the anxiety....you can see how it cycles. The problem is they can't seem to determine where the cycle begins...which comes first?...the anxiety or the trouble breathing? Which causes which? So they plan to further investigate the source of his anxiety, which means more visits with his psychologist...trying to get him to dig deeper and open up more. He relies heavily on his anxiety medication, and asks for it several times a day....but they do not want to keep using that as a fix, they want to know what's really causing it. They are also trying some new blood pressure meds and watching his lungs very closely.
We (including his therapists) have all seen him withdraw a lot the past few days, and I would be lying if I said it wasn't scary and frustrating. Less eye contact, little or no smiling...certainly less joking around. Even with P.J. and Kersta here this past weekend he wasn't totally engaged. He works hard to rise to the occasion now and then, but for the most part seems depressed and apathetic. Doesn't do his exercises, doesn't really engage in therapy, and doesn't even do the simple task of changing the angle of his chair to prevent bedsores. We can't know what he feels, but it sure is frustrating to see him like this. Again, he needs to make the choice to work...it's really up to him. He needs to find the hope to want to get better, we wish we could just inject hope right into him...but we can't. His biggest impairment right now is not physical as much as it is mental and spiritual.
Amidst the muck and mire, there are rays of hope that we cling to...we have to or we'd go completely nuts. He is off the respirator!! I remember days of yore when we prayed to get rid of that thing. Also, his cognition has shown improvement in the past weeks and there is no sign of delay or damage from the accident! There was some concern that he was just a little slower in cognition, but at this time his mental capacity is back to (and I say this loosely) "normal"....what great news. And I quote one of our favorite nurses when I say "he is making the most beautiful urine!" Clean, clear, and lots of it. The best pee we've seen yet! His kidneys are not completely better, but how can we be anything but ecstatic about beautiful pee...
Time slowly creeps on...the days feel like weeks....the weeks feel like months...and we still have as many unknowns as we started with. And now we're dealing with a dad that doesn't seem to care anymore. How can this get any harder than it already is? How can this mud we're trudging though get any deeper, any thicker, any more ridiculously stinky?
I have to believe with all my heart that God is bigger than this mud. His love for us is deeper, wider, higher than we can comprehend. His grace is sufficient when we have nothing left...his wisdom towers above our tiny human brains...and His strength carries us when we don't have the energy to go on another day. If He cares enough to make a gorgeous sunset on a cold winter day, how much more does He care for you? for me? for dad? We are infinitely more valuable to God than the oceans, the stars, the sun. More valuable than the sun...can you fathom that? Now that is some serious love.
We lift up our dad to the God of creation, the God who made him, the One who knows him the best. We pray that God would speak to dad in this very moment, that he would have peace, joy, and a desire to live the life God has chosen for him.
And we pray for hope. Lots and lots of hope.
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Someone asked about his secretions yesterday, so to answer more specifically, they are better than last week, and less frequent. He still gets manually suctioned several times a day, sometimes much more, but the secretions themselves seem to be less 'gunky'. Although he is off the respirator, he still has the trach hole in his throat and he has a constant flow of oxygenated air which helps heal his lungs. A contributing factor to the secretions is the fact that his body sees the trach as a foreign object, which continually creates secretions around the opening as a way of trying to push it out of his body. So the secretions will be a slight issue until the trach is removed completely, which could be weeks from now. Hope that makes sense, sometimes I forget what I have or haven't given an update on! Thanks for the question...whoever you were...
Blessings,
Amy
I can't even begin to imagine the frustrations, anxiety, the feeling of mental anguish, etc. you all must be going through......and yet you, Amy, always take the time to keep us updated on your dad. I read your post every night and you let us see "the light through the tunnel". I feel in my heart that Pat is on his way to recovery...."one baby step at a time." Please know that there are tons of folks reading your every word and are batting for your dad and family. Hoping for a better day and new found energy and attitude for Pat......I'm sure he'll bounce back....Hugs, warm fuzzies and prayers.....
Marlee
Dear Bohrmans-
Again Amy, you have so eloquently conveyed your struggles and obstacles that Pat is dealing with. Thank you! Today, a scripture comes to mind and I pray it will be on Pat's heart..."For YOU, O LORD, are my lamp; the Lord illuminates my darkness. With YOU I can attack a barrier, and with my GOD I can leap a wall. For who is GOD besides the LORD? GOD is my strong refuge; HE makes my way perfect." 2 Sam 22: 29-33
So today, I pray that you LORD would grant a desire in Pat to attack this barrier. Illuminate his heart with YOUR hope, strength and mercy. This is a battle on every front..physical, spiritual, emotional, and psycological and I pray that today will be a better day of renewed hope and strengthening of Pat's physical and spiritual muscles and Father, please clear up his lungs and any anxiety in Pat. Do not allow satan to gain a stronghold of fear, anxiety, or doubt. For we come against any lies, deceipt or schemes of satan. AMEN
Love in Christ<><
Jenny & Jake
We all stand beside you in this mud and lift you up to our faithful God.
As I read your update, so full of such deep love for your father, it is painful to read and yet you always turn to the joy of the Lord. Thank you for bringing the Good News with your family's struggle. Today begins Lent and many will be focusing on Christ and His sufferings for us, I will keep all of you in my prayers..thank you again for showing all of us both your suffering and your joy.
praying...praying...praying
Bohrman family; I had the pleasure of meeting Mike yesterday at the coffee shop in Oconomowoc. I'm so glad you shared this site with me. With the barrage of news we get every day, it's easy to lose site of the many people affected by each of these stories we read/hear about. I recalled reading about your father, but that was all I had heard. By meeting you, know there are now more people praying for your dad, and your family, so God continues to give all of you the strength required to get through this. God's blessings to you all, and all the people caring for your father as well. Todd
Whatever form prayer takes, it is fervent and ferocious, and unceasing.
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