Expectations

Dad remains....about the same. Seems like I've been saying that for awhile now. Tomorrow he is having a kidney biopsy to try to determine what's wrong. Because they want his kidneys at their optimum level for the biopsy, he had dialysis both today and yesterday. Depending on what they find, he may need dialysis indefinitely, even if it is sporadic. For the past two weeks, he hasn't needed it, but his kidneys were due for another jump start of sorts. So we'll see what the biopsy brings...

His spirits are good for the most part, but he misses the spinal cord unit where the nurses seem to be better able to deal with his needs...things like secretions and transfers and lip-reading. We don't know when he'll go back upstairs. It all depends on his health.

Overall, he and mom are just plain sick of it all. Sick of the routine, sick of the hospital, sick of the ups and downs, sick of the same thing day in and day out. Who wouldn't be. I can't believe it's been three whole months...Some days they're just sick and tired of it all. Today was one of those days.

Our finite minds have expectations....what we think should be happening...and when. I confess my simplistic belief that after everyone prayed their hearts out for 24 hours, we would see something happen, something tangible, something miraculous. I expected something....and was a little surprised when that something didn't happen.

Thankfully, God doesn't give us what we want just because we ask for it. That's not how He works. If that were true, we'd all be running around like spoiled children only caring about what we can get. We're not rewarded for how many hours we spend praying, and our righteousness doesn't grow exponentially with the number of hours we spend in church. The most important thing about us is not what we do, but what we believe about God.

I believe that He loved the prayer vigil, that He loved each and every conversation had with Him. And I also believe that He wants us to keep praying, to persevere, to keep at it. I believe that He is working in Pops, and there is healing....even if it's not visible to our human eyes. Our expectations are changing. It's not about what we expect from God, but what God expects from us. He expects us to trust, even when we see no "miracles", He wants us to endure, even when we think we can't go another day, and He wants us to believe...especially when things aren't going our way.

Some days, things don't seem to be going our way. But we believe God knows what He's doing. We may not see it yet, but you can bet your biopsy He'll exceed our expectations.