Urine my Heart, Urine my Soul....

Yeah, I thought the blog was over...I thought there wouldn't be more to tell. Boy, was I wrong. First things first, Pops took his seventh swallow test on Tuesday, and to be honest we all sorta expected him to fail (himself included)...I mean, it's hard to get excited after six previously unsuccessful attempts. But he gave it another go and.... HE FINALLY PASSED! And with flying colors, no less. His swallow was 100% normal...no having to turn his head or anything. Can you believe that? After six months of tube feedings he's now able to eat and drink whatever he wants, no thickener required. He didn't think he missed eating that much, but after a few bites of real food, it was hard to get him to stop. The past month he's been able to eat tiny amounts of food, but it had to be pureed, and let's be honest, there's just not that much great tasting pureed food out there. He couldn't even have ice cream or shakes because they melt down to a thin liquid which was totally off limits. But as we watched him scarf down two scoops of Chocolate Factory butter pecan, we shouted, "Slow down, Pops! If you gain any weight we won't be able to transfer you!" That could be a problem....he's lost about 40 pounds since the accident, so if he gains it back, lifting him will be tougher! But it's fun to see how happy he is eating again. My favorite was when I set the ice cream in front of him. His eyes widened, his mouth gaped, and he said, "Ohhhhhhhhhh, quick, strap on my spoon." He slammed that butter pecan like it was going out of style. God love him.

There's one more story to tell. It certainly falls into the "grosser than gross" category, but it's just screaming to be published. It involves mom and a bottle of urine. That's right folks, a big ol' bottle of urine. You see, dad has a permanent catheter for going to the bathroom...he's a quad, it comes with the territory. Sometimes mom has to hold his urine for 24 hours to be tested at the hospital. To do this, she simply empties his urine bag into a container and drops it off at Froedtert, no big deal. Now, mom has a favorite drink...some kind of protein soy drink that comes in a pretty purple bottle...and for reasons unknown, she sometimes keeps these pretty purple bottles in the car to use as urine storage on those days when they're running errands and she needs to empty his urine on the go, a traveling pee portal, if you will. So here's how the story goes...they're out and about at therapy all day and on the way home they stopped at Genesis where I happened to be working. Mom grabbed her supposed 'protein soy drink' and headed inside with dad. About 10 minutes later as I sat at the computer with dad, we suddenly heard mom scream, then gag, then scream some more. She then came running down the hall screaming, then gagging, then furiously waving her tongue from side to side while thrashing about, then screaming and finally gagging some more. We had no idea what had happened until she held up her pretty purple bottle of supposed 'protein soy drink' and screamed, "NO! NO! This is NOT my drink!!!! Uggggghhhhhh!!!!" She looked at dad. "I just drank your URINE!!!!!" As she continued her scream/gag/thrash/gag sequence, it suddenly all made sense. And boy, were we grossed out. And why wouldn't we be. Mom had just taken a swig of dad's own urine. Not just urine, but day-old urine that had been fermenting in the car. I mean, it's bad enough that she drank pee, but it wasn't even fresh pee. Is that not the most disgusting slash hilarious thing you've heard all day? It still makes me laugh. Out loud even. In fact, I'm laughing out loud right now. I hope you are too.

What's the moral of the story, kids? ALWAYS LABEL YOUR URINE STORAGE CONTAINERS. In fact, don't ever keep urine in the same pretty purple bottle that your favorite soy drink comes it. I mean, it's just basic street smarts, people. Needless to say, mom learned her lesson...we hope.

Overall, Pops is doing fabulous. Mom as well. As I watched dad enjoy more ice cream at the Kiltie tonight, I couldn't help but thank God for little (and big) miracles. There is still healing going on, even six months later. We are all praising God....well, mom maybe a little less since she now has to cook meals, do dishes, not to mention the drama dad's eating will bring to the B-Team...but heh, it's all good. I continue to be amazed at God...his wisdom, his timing, his uncanny ability to turn pain into beauty. Why do we doubt? He's got a tight hold of us and He's not letting go. We're in good hands. Urine good hands, too. Choose joy!

To God be the glory, great things he has done.

Amazing Grace

Well, we've heard from Pops (yahoo!), but I've also been bugging mom to write a post. She's totally computer-illiterate but tonight she finally handed me a hard copy....so here are a few words, er...make that 'many words' from mom:

As I reflect on these past six months, I am amazed at how our Heavenly Father has provided-how He has changed me...and how settled and at peace we both are in our new life together. I have experienced so many different stages-I remember early on, "explaining" to God that I simply would not make a very good caregiver...I'm much too selfish and independent-loving to travel, being alone, and definitely lacking in nursing skills. Just in case He didn't understand me, I remember emotionally kicking and screaming like a child-fighting what He expected of me. I remember being mad at both Pat and God...I felt cornered, I felt trapped-never to be 'free' again.

For some strange reason, God didn't change things because I thought He should...I'm so thankful I serve a never-changing master, a Heavenly Father that loves me more than I could ever imagine-and who knows me better than I know myself.

As the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months...I was broken, I let go, I accepted becoming more dependent on Him-feeling more settled and at peace than I ever have in my life. Letting go of my life...actually gave me life. Believe it or not, I'm even 'free-er'...yes, free to accept, free to enjoy, free to experience what God has done in my life and heart and how He has shown me what He made me for-this very special walk, a walk that few are privileged to walk-a walk with Him leading every step with people everywhere praying...fervently praying for Pat and our little family...who could ask for more.

For you see, I am a 24/7 - actually a 22/7 caregiver (with 2 hours of nursing care) and I'm not even half bad at it! Amazingly, it's probably the most rewarding thing I've ever done in this life of mine...a life that I too often spent fighting for 'my' time. Now, with very little 'my' time, I've never been happier. "Happy" has a different definition than it used to- just like "fun" and "life"-it's better, fuller, and lots more meaningful. There's a peace in my soul, a sense of satisfaction-a total reassurance that I'm doing what I was meant to do...what I was created to do- a caregiver and advocate for my husband of almost 35 years...who woulda thought.

Those of you who know me well, know this is truly a miracle of God above! It just isn't me! Life is so much simpler-quieter, gentler, easier. When hubby is a quad, you don't have to be on time for anything! And though it may take 2 hours to get Bohr ready in the morning, I can be ready in 20 minutes! How things have changed...

After about 3 months (sometime in March) I was given a card at the hospital that stated "We were not created for pleasure, we were created for joy". I thought to myself, "What is that? What does that mean?" For some reason, I couldn't get that saying out of my mind- joy and pleasure, pleasure and joy...what's the difference? It wasn't till we arrived home and my "new career" started that I fully experienced joy. Believe it or not, there is a difference-and it comes when you least expect it, when you're not even looking for it...especially when you're not looking for it.

Our life before was filled with loads of pleasure, but not much joy-some of you know what I mean. I pray that the rest of you will be able to experience joy in your life-in one way or another. I'm so thankful, again, that early on my Heavenly Father didn't change my path as I thought He should. He was well aware of what I was capable of and who I would become through all of this 'life change'...different, but better. Choosing joy in all circumstances-being settled and at total peace knowing what I was created for...and loving it. Accepting and fulfilled in a life I could never have imagined living.

We laugh more-and look at each other more, I mean really look at each other. Pat thanks me for all I do for Him-I thank him (and God) for giving me the opportunity to do this caregiving thing-I'm blown away by my new heart-my nursing skills and the fact that I'm finally the 'captain' of a team...even if it is the Bowel Team! And ya know what...I'm a darn good B-Team captain!

At the end of a day, I have a sense of satisfaction and an appreciation for my life that I've never experienced before. We've shared moments with each other when we've actually admitted that we "wouldn't want to go back to our life of pleasure", for this is better...very different, but better.

Throughout Pat's hospital stay, I always looked back on the prayer we prayed the morning of his accident-remembering the 'stirring' I felt from my Heavenly Father...to pray that our family would glorify God this last Christmas. And I remember arriving home from the hospital just two days after the accident and the kids saying, "Hey mom, we started a blog". "What's a blog?" I said. (I don't even know how to email.) Then I watched in amazement as God unfolded His promise to me -to us-as He was glorified through this little family He created...through this thing called a 'blog'.

I am forever humbled by the kindness of everyone, your generosity leaves me speechless-your prayers forever cherished. I (we) felt your prayers, then and now. We have a peace that surpasses all understanding...another of God's promises fulfilled.

We are excited about what our future holds- Pat will finally retire! We're hoping to spend winters in Arizona where we bought a little condo last year (from a woman in a wheelchair) ...God knew! And He knows where we're headed. We rest in His plan for us...and we anticipate a fulfilling life-a life where He will use us now more than ever.

To God be the glory, and thank you, thank you, thank you.

In His precious love,
Jean

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You

Hello, this is Pat. It's been a long time coming, and it's time to say thank you. I want to thank everyone that prayed and brought food and gifts (a special thank you to "me" who so generously and anonymously keeps our gas tank full...who are you???) And thank you to those that have commented on this blog. The encouragement you guys gave me sustained me through the hardest times. Whenever I read the blog comments I always start crying...knowing so many were praying was overwhelming. I know your prayers worked. I felt their power, I really did. Every morning when I woke up and realized where I was, I said thank you Lord for another day. Your prayers were tremendous support and encouragement. I don't know how you'd make it through something like this without faith and family.

During my nine hours of dialysis a week, I've decided to use that time to pray for all of you that prayed for me and it brings me great peace. God is good. I would ask for continued prayer for my wife who has been my greatest source of strength. She came to the hospital practically every single day, even when I told her it wasn't necessary. It was always so good to see her. I'm a lot to take care of...a full time job...and she's never complained. Pray she never has to...between feedings, meds, dressing, carting me around, and the bowel program (referred to as 'quality time' by the Froedtert nurses). Jean has been forced to become a caregiving nurse and she's done it in style...a real trooper. She absolutely amazes me. You can also pray for continued healing for me as I have a lot of nerve pain in my left arm, which isn't necessarily a bad thing since it might mean there is healing and the nerves may reconnect which would mean more use of my left arm. You can also pray that my kidneys continue to regain function to I could reduce or get off of dialysis. Believe it or not, I'm still trying to pass a swallow test. By now I'm so used to having my meals squirted into me through a tube that I really don't miss eating that much. And Jean doesn't mind the tube because it means she doesn't have to cook! So I'm not sure I want to pass the swallow test...we'll see....leave it up to God, He knows best.

This blog thing is amazing. So many people have come up to me and said, "You don't know me, but I've been praying for you and following the blog daily." It's quite incredible. My kids decided to start it as a means to keep people up to date with my injury, but thanks to my daughter Amy it has turned out to be a life-changing blessing to more people than I can imagine. Thank you Amy.

I want you all to know that I'm doing well. I won't say that there haven't been some down days, but I never really got angry. The nurses even commented that I never got angry. And that's, I believe, due to your prayers and God's mercy. I'm getting over waking up with my mind thinking I'm normal and then realizing I'm a quad. Every day is easier. And I've talked to a number of quads that have said it only gets better. So I do what my daughter Amy tells me...choose joy, Pops. So that's what I do...I make a choice to rejoice.

And there are some advantages to being a quad. I don't have to help anybody move, or lift heavy objects, and I do get perks from Froedtert like Brewers tickets and pit passes to this year's Milwaukee Mile. I was within spitting distance of Danika Patrick. And, of course, the rock star parking is nice.

God gave me 56 wonderful years upright and active, so now I'll be a spectator and an observer. I'm already sleeping better, and I'm not in such a hurry to keep busy. So it's not all bad. I used to pray in a rush on the way to work...always in a hurry, never enough time. Now, I pray with no hurry, no rush, I talk to God like he's my friend. I ask Him why, and He hasn't told me yet. And right now I don't care. I will see Him in heaven, whole again for eternity, and that's what matters.

I hope that we have glorified God through our family. Nothing would make me more joyful. Well, I guess this is the end of this part of the story. If I start walking, we'll let you know. Thank you again from the very bottom of my heart. I love all of you and will continue to pray. God is good. Amen.