Thursday, March 29, 2007

Reality Bites

The last few days have been pretty quiet, a little blah. I think everyone was on such an emotional high after all the commotion of this weekend....we all seem to have crashed a little bit, dad included. He is doing okay...he has physical, speech, and occupational therapy every day in addition to his permanent Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday dialysis schedule. Being in therapy is great, but it also forces him to realize his disability, to find out all the things he is unable to do, one task at a time.

Yesterday he was pretty down. He said his therapist was trying to get him to write, and he couldn't do it at all, then they worked on putting his shirt on, he can't do that either. It is so deflating for him to fail over and over at simple tasks. There is really so very little he can do for himself.

The swallow test won't be happening for at least a week, he is still having to be suctioned at least four or five times a day minimum. It's not good that he's needing suctioning, as his lungs should be stronger by now and he should be able to be swallowing his secretions. He still can only use his talking valve for short periods of time until the swallow test can prove he's not aspirating. So we wait a little more. And if we're tired of waiting, you can imagine how Pops feels.

I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to be him, to be a quadriplegic. I can't even begin to comprehend what it's like to have no control over your own body, to look at your hand and not be able to make a fist, to see your legs but not feel them. To be a grown man and be dependent on nurses to take care of your every personal need. And some needs are very, very personal. Some days as I watch my dad go through this, I just get overwhelmingly sad. I don't want him to have to do this anymore. I don't want mom to have to do this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. I want our lives to be normal. I want our lives to be the way they were before December 8, 2006.

Yes, he has a new, cool wheelchair. Yes, it goes fast. Yes, I get excited when I think dad may qualify for having a service monkey which would probably be the coolest thing to ever happen in the history of the universe. But those feelings fade fast when I see my dad face reality and in his helplessness, all he can do is cry.

My dad is pretty helpless. That's reality. And sometimes reality bites. But the greater reality is that God has a purpose for my dad's life, and I pray tonight that mom and dad would get a tiny glimpse of how sweet that reality could be. Hopefully the only thing biting will be the helpful but ornery service monkey that I am desperately hoping for...

Monday, March 26, 2007

Fresh Air, A New Chair

Wow...five good days in a row...a new record! Yahoo! It's been a great week for dad. Where do I begin??

It started with good news about the heart thing. No surgery needed...they're just going to keep an eye on his blood pressure. An answer to prayers.

His brand new, custom wheelchair arrived a few days ago...and it is one sweet ride. Mom did a great job ordering it...it looks awesome and has features that are perfect for Pops. The first being, of course, that it goes 8 miles an hour. Enough said. They had to add a safety strap around his chest so he doesn't fly out. Sounds dangerous, but dad cried when he was telling mom about the speed...the man does enjoy going fast, so dang it, let him have his fun. It also has a lift that can put him at eye level when he talks to people. We didn't realize how cool that was until we saw it...it makes a big difference when he doesn't have to look up at everyone. This will give him more opportunities...like sitting at high tables or taking walks with mom while holding hands... and having a conversation. The amazing thing is that he can still go 8 miles an hour while elevated...picture that. Yikes. So he's been up in his new chair a lot. An answer to prayers.

Today he moved from the acute side of the hall to the rehab side. This means tomorrow he starts a rigorous therapy schedule...and he's very ready for it. His spirits have remained high for a while now and he seems ready to do some hard work. The therapists are already seeing a tiny improvement in his left hand grip. He still does not lift his left arm as there seems to have been more nerve damage there then on his right side. He is really doing well using his right arm...he is always itching his face or adjusting his oxygen tubes. But he has minimal finger grip on the right hand so he can't hold anything or push buttons. We pray that we'll see some progress with therapy, but it's hard to tell what will come back, if anything. We still have never seen movement in his legs.

He has been doing a little more talking lately, using the Passy-Muir valve. He can only do it for short periods, but each time he seems to sound a little more like himself and his voice is getting stronger. It's awesome. How easy it is to take your ability to speak for granted...I can't explain the joy of getting to talk to him on the phone. Amazing. There's a rumor flying around that he may take a second swallow test Thursday or Monday. A passed swallow test means talking and eating and drinking...so big prayers that his throat is healing and he is no longer aspirating. Although he said today that he really doesn't miss eating. He said getting his 'oatmeal' though his stomach tube is really pretty convenient...he's never hungry and he never has to floss. Very true, I suppose. Too funny.

Another biggie was that he went outside today for the first time in almost four months. He was able to sit out in the sunshine for close to an hour and finally breathe some fresh air. Pretty huge. It was good for him, but he described it as bittersweet. I asked him why and he said, "All I wanted to do was play catch." We hadn't thought of how tough it would be on him...being outside made him think of all the things he loves to do...sailing, rollerblading, playing catch. It was harder on him than any of us expected, but we were warned that leaving "hospital-world" is emotionally the hardest part. He mentioned today that it's a blessing he's been in the hospital so long since it gives him a chance to slowly get used to reality. And since Mike and Becky's house remodeling still isn't finished...it really is a blessing he's not coming home quite yet.

God knows what He's doing.

This is an enormous blog but there's more I don't want to ever forget. Mom and I took a little trip to Arizona last week...it forced mom away from her rigorous hospital routine, and gave Pops a breather as well, I suppose. It was good for everyone. But the sweetest part was the reunion after mom and dad had not seen each other for a whole week. Mom and I drove their car home from Arizona, and somewhere around Iowa she started getting very fidgety...like a 16 year old going on her first date. She was so excited to see Pops, she was all girly and worried about looking cute. Little did we know dad was in Wisconsin doing the same thing. He asked for a shampoo and a shave, wanting to wear a nice shirt and look hot when mom got there. I didn't see the reunion but I guess there were lots of hugs and tears, and they even did some "making out". Ew, sick. As gross as it is, it's pretty much the most precious thing ever. This ordeal has made them realize how much they love each other, which is impressive after 35 years of marriage. Pretty darn cute. Makes you want to barf when it's your parents, but pretty darn cute nonetheless.

Praise God that there's so much good stuff to share. What a great feeling. And even when the feelings change...and they probably will...we rest on the fact that God is in control. We give Him praise for all the progress that dad has made this week. We pray that it continues and that I'll have to write more incredibly long blogs to fit it all in.

God is so good. Thank you so much for your prayers. It means more to our family than you will ever know.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Quick Heart Update

Just a quick update on the heart thing....the blockage was minor! Minor enough that not even a stint was necessary. An answer to prayers. It has been a good week for Pops....no time for details but more to come tomorrow!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Will it Ever End?

After a good weekend, dad's last couple days have been pretty blah. Monday he had a procedure done to have a pic line inserted into his chest. He's had pic lines put in and taken out before, but this time it wouldn't stop bleeding so he had to stay in bed all day. It eventually stopped but he didn't get a chance to get into his wheelchair.

Today he had kidney dialysis for three hours, and was experiencing a little chest pain. This has happened once in awhile so his doctors decided they want to do a heart catheterization tomorrow. That means they will be using dye and x-rays to look at his heart to see if there is any blockage. If they find minor blockage, they will put a stint in, and if they find major blockage, there will be bi-pass surgery scheduled. It was another long day as he was unable to get up into his wheelchair. The longer he has to lay in bed, the worse it is for his overall health.

As dad said today, "Will this ever end?" It certainly feels like it won't. I know that this blog is a roller coaster of emotion, but it's an accurate picture of what we're going through. From good days to bad, quickly and without warning. It's tiring, frustrating, and seemingly endless.

Despite the drama, dad remains in a pretty good mood. When mom asked him how his bowel program went, he replied, "Pretty good. How about yours?" Still funny...still Pops. He's sleeping a little better at night, and he asks for anxiety meds a little less frequently. So good things are happening. More than anything, we just want him to have some steady progression. But, alas, there is so little we can control. All we can do is pray, and be open to learning what God wants to teach us.

So we pray for no blockage in his heart, that he can get into his chair in the next few days, and for continued positive attitudes. We thank God for being with us in the valley. He continues to lead the way, and we continue to choose joy.

(Just a note that I'll be out of town for the next 4-5 days...so don't be alarmed if there's no blog until next week. Hopefully there will be great news to share when I get back!)

Saturday, March 17, 2007

St. Paddy's Day

Yahoo! That's how we're feeling...in a nutshell. As of yesterday, dad is back on the fifth floor in the spinal cord unit. An answer to many prayers. A few days ago we were told that the move could be "soon", which in hospital-world usually means 8-10 business days. (Not complaining...just explaining.) So you can imagine our surprise when Pops was moved by 5pm Friday...better delivery time than Fed Ex even. He and mom said goodbye to the kind 4th floor nurses and reunited with their pals in the SCIC. A great move all around as it boosted spirits and is a sign that things are once again moving forward, our favorite of all the directions.

Dad had a great day. After a round of dialysis this morning, his speech therapist put in his Passy-Muir valve and he was able to speak for 45 minutes!! After he had some time to catch his breath and remember how to work his breathing, he spoke for the first time in over a month, and it was beautiful. Mom had just left the hospital and didn't know they had put in his valve so we gave her a surprise cell phone call from Pops. You can imagine what it's like to hear your husband on the other end of a phone when you haven't heard his voice in many, many weeks. Needless to say, lots of happy tears. Talking is something that really boosts Dad's spirits...as he said today, "I don't feel like a piece of furniture anymore!" It makes you realize how valuable a voice is, and how limited he is when he can't speak. Unfortunately, at this time he can't wear the valve too much because they still don't know how much saliva is being aspirated into his lungs. Until he passes his swallow test, they need to be careful since the valve creates extra secretions. But even if that's all we hear for awhile, it was a sweet, sweet 45 minutes. I love hearing that voice. I love hearing him be silly. I love hearing him tell mom that he loves her. What a gift...thank God for Mr. Passy-Muir and his fabulous valve.

We are still praying that they find the infection that is damaging his kidneys, and we pray that his lungs remain strong and he can regain swallowing function. The longer he remains in the hospital, the more compromised and weak his immune system, so we pray there will be no more bouts with pneumonia or sickness. So much to keep praying for, still so much that's unknown.

But for today, we rejoice in the little things. A voice. A laugh. A few minutes on the mountaintop. Thank you God for giving us a day on the mountaintop...where the views are great and the smiles abound. But we thank You all the more for the days spent in the valley. Without them, how could we truly appreciate the blessings of the mountaintop?

To God be the glory.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Sweet Dreams

The results of the biopsy came back. The doctors found that the problem with his kidneys is infection-related...they just can't figure out where the infection is. They did a cat scan of his abdomen but found no abscess, so they will have to fight the infection with a general anti-biotic regimen and hope it takes care of it. He will have dialysis tomorrow and may need it a few times a week. They will just wait and see how it goes.

So really not a lot of change...every day seems to be about the same. His attitude is decent, and they are trying to make plans to get him back to the spinal cord unit. It will be great if he gets to move there next week...it's just a much better place for him to be. Our prayer is that the move happens....and soon.

Last night was tough for him...he was restless and pretty anxious. I asked what makes him anxious at night and he said "boredom". When mom got there this morning, he was very upset and said, "I can't do this anymore." Mom asked what he meant and he said, "Jean, I can't move. I can't do this anymore. I...can't...move." We've never heard him say that before. He's obviously been depressed in the past, and upset at times, but he's never flat out said that he can't go on. We don't know if he's finally dealing with reality a little bit more, or if it's just a bad day...either way, totally understandable.

By the end of the day, he was himself and seemed in a better mood. When I left for the night, he had fallen asleep with a smile on his face...must have been a good dream or something. He looked so happy I couldn't take my eyes off him as I left his room. The sweet moment ended quite abruptly when I ran right into the door frame. I am a moron.

If I happen to be there when mom is leaving for the day, I am blessed to be able to watch them pray together as they do every single night. The prayer of late seems to be, "Lord, we will not let Satan defeat us. We will not give up." Such an important prayer. Satan wants nothing more than for them to give up, to feel abandoned, to feel defeated. Some days are a real battle, but God will be victorious. I pray especially tonight that dad would feel victory and not defeat. May he sleep well and have lots of sweet dreams.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Expectations

Dad remains....about the same. Seems like I've been saying that for awhile now. Tomorrow he is having a kidney biopsy to try to determine what's wrong. Because they want his kidneys at their optimum level for the biopsy, he had dialysis both today and yesterday. Depending on what they find, he may need dialysis indefinitely, even if it is sporadic. For the past two weeks, he hasn't needed it, but his kidneys were due for another jump start of sorts. So we'll see what the biopsy brings...

His spirits are good for the most part, but he misses the spinal cord unit where the nurses seem to be better able to deal with his needs...things like secretions and transfers and lip-reading. We don't know when he'll go back upstairs. It all depends on his health.

Overall, he and mom are just plain sick of it all. Sick of the routine, sick of the hospital, sick of the ups and downs, sick of the same thing day in and day out. Who wouldn't be. I can't believe it's been three whole months...Some days they're just sick and tired of it all. Today was one of those days.

Our finite minds have expectations....what we think should be happening...and when. I confess my simplistic belief that after everyone prayed their hearts out for 24 hours, we would see something happen, something tangible, something miraculous. I expected something....and was a little surprised when that something didn't happen.

Thankfully, God doesn't give us what we want just because we ask for it. That's not how He works. If that were true, we'd all be running around like spoiled children only caring about what we can get. We're not rewarded for how many hours we spend praying, and our righteousness doesn't grow exponentially with the number of hours we spend in church. The most important thing about us is not what we do, but what we believe about God.

I believe that He loved the prayer vigil, that He loved each and every conversation had with Him. And I also believe that He wants us to keep praying, to persevere, to keep at it. I believe that He is working in Pops, and there is healing....even if it's not visible to our human eyes. Our expectations are changing. It's not about what we expect from God, but what God expects from us. He expects us to trust, even when we see no "miracles", He wants us to endure, even when we think we can't go another day, and He wants us to believe...especially when things aren't going our way.

Some days, things don't seem to be going our way. But we believe God knows what He's doing. We may not see it yet, but you can bet your biopsy He'll exceed our expectations.

Friday, March 9, 2007

Prayer Vigil In Progress

That's the sign posted on dad's hospital door...just so everyone knows that for the next 20 hours, there will be an abundance of prayers said on behalf of our Pops. Nothing makes us happier than to know he's being covered in prayer, from head to foot. Thank you to those that have prayed or will be in the hours to come.

We are asking for a miracle. It may not be what we expect, but I believe that God answers prayers and in some shape or form, they will be answered. Every prayer is precious to Him, so let's overwhelm heaven with our requests for dad's healing. Let's pray with fervency.

And let's expect a miracle.

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Prayer Vigil Reminder

See below for the most recent post, but just a reminder about the prayer vigil for Pops going on this weekend, from Friday night to Saturday night at Alliance Bible Church in Oconomowoc. If you are interested in signing up, email Patti Hall at webelieve04@hotmail.com. Thanks!

Wednesday

Dad remains on the medical floor for now...not sure when he'll be back to the spinal cord unit. He is doing okay, but they are running some tests to try to figure out why his body isn't quite up to par. They put a scope down his esophagus to look at the back side of his heart, but couldn't find out why his heart isn't beating quite right. Doesn't seem to be anything major, but again, just not quite what it should be. Later this week they should be doing a kidney biopsy to try and figure out why his kidneys aren't working right. They are working well enough that he does not need dialysis but they are also eliminating protein from his body...unexplainable to the doctors.

On the bright side, his lungs seem to be working better than ever. They are much clearer than they have been and doctors are happy with what they're seeing. Unfortunately, he was nauseous this morning and the few secretions that he was having were making him throw up. Maybe that's too much information....but it was a tough morning for him. When I saw him this afternoon, he was just wiped out.

Even though today wasn't the greatest, he is still more himself than ever. We thank God that he seems to be out of the depression he's been in, although in his situation it's to be expected. Our hope for Pops is that his doctors could get his medical issues under control so he can return to rehab. All in God's perfect timing....

Speaking of God's perfect timing, Chris and I were offered a job working with Young Life in Hartland...just 10 short minutes from mom and dad. Talk about a huge blessing and an answer to prayer. To know we'll be able to help out with Pops while doing what we're passionate about...I'm in total awe of how God has made it all happen without us lifting a finger. We're more than excited and will be moving to Wisconsin in May.

God continues to orchestrate this with precision...right down to the detail. We pray for Pops and his over-excited kidneys. And we thank God for all He's done so far. Onward and upward.

Sunday, March 4, 2007

A Good Weekend, A Bad Toothbrush

Despite his medical problems, dad had a great weekend. We have really seen a difference in his attitude and he seems to be more himself than ever...a much different Pops than we've seen in a long time. He was happy, talkative, and laughing (the talking and laughing being silent of course since he can't speak yet). I was amazed at the difference I saw since a week ago. After weeks of basically just sitting in his chair, not really trying to do anything, he is once again using his right arm a lot...scratching his face, motioning when he talks, adjusting his own oxygen tubes. All simple things but things we haven't seen him choose to do lately. So encouraging. Heck, fan-flipping-tastic even.

And he's just plain funny. I forgot how funny he was. Two of his nurses from the spinal cord unit came to visit him yesterday (just because they missed him...aw, sweet) and they asked how he was doing. Dad sarcastically replied, "Well, I've only got, like, three infections, so that's good." Then he adds, "Yep, and my oxygen's at 98%, my secretions are thick, and I'm dialated five inches." Everyone burst out laughing. We had to clarify that he said "dialated", and he rolled his eyes as if to say, "Well, duh, I was kidding." We told him it must be hard to be quick witted when people have to read your lips a couple of times to get the joke....he just laughed.

There's hope that he'll be back on the spinal cord floor this week, not that we don't enjoy taking a tour of the entire hospital, but it would be nice to stay in one place. It's hard getting to know all new nurses and doctors. They are trying to clear up his numerous infections and get him healthy again so he can get back on track. He did get into his chair today, so that's always good.

A few things I don't want to forget about today....one involves a fight over a toothbrush which started when dad asked mom, "So how much did you spend on my toothbrush? Not much, huh?" She replied defensively, "What do you mean? It's a good toothbrush!" Dad shot back with, "Um, no. It's a piece of sh%#." They 'discussed' the quality of the toothbrush for a few minutes as I laughed uncontrollably in the corner of the room. There was just something about that silly argument that was beautiful...it was just, them. They're half mad, half laughing, with dad tilted back in his chair waving that right arm around, mouthing a few choice words, and mom defending her toothbrush purchase to the end (even though it was a really crappy toothbrush). It was just...so...completely normal. Beautifully, hilariously, normal. It of course ended with a dramatic throwing away of the crappy toothbrush....and lots of laughter. Whether silent or heard, nothing beats the sweet sound of Pops laughing.

I can't help but think...two good days in a row...so what's around the corner??? But no matter what we encounter tomorrow, we rest tonight thanking God for bringing our Pops back. What we saw this weekend was the Pops we knew three months ago, and what a gift from God it was. We pray that his positive attitude continues and that he keeps going forward. Still lots to pray for, lots of steps to be taken, lots of hurdles to jump over.

And, of course, a new toothbrush to break in.

Friday, March 2, 2007

Up, Up, and...Thud

We really thought dad was on his way up, that after two postitive days in a row he was really heading in the right direction.

And then we came crashing down again.

Dad was transferred today to a medical floor. Not the ICU, but a floor that is better equiped to deal with his medical issues. It turns out he has a urinary tract infection, an ear infection, and a blood infection. His fever has not gotten worse, thank God, but his blood pressure spiked in the middle of the night which alerted doctors that something was wrong. Although his chest x-ray showed that his lungs are improving, other issues have taken over, issues that the spinal cord floor is just not equipped to deal with.

Despite all the commotion and disappointment, dad was very peaceful today...smiling even. Maybe it's the drugs, or maybe he's become immune to the roller coaster ride of "recovery" where every step forward is sure to be followed by setbacks and frustration. I like to believe that in the midst of the infections galore, God was holding dad's hand and giving him comfort. Whatever the reason, dad was okay today.

But days like these take the biggest toll on mom, who is there everyday on the same roller coaster ride but without the luxury of constant anti-anxiety medication. It's very hard for her to finally think she's getting her husband back, only to arrive this morning to such frustrating news. Just when you think you've been through the worst of it, you're thrown back into the pit.

The prayer vigil could not come at a better time. Dad is not out of it yet. Now he is battling numerous infections which will put his rehab on hold....for the umpteenth time. We can't see the end yet, but for some reason God still wants us on our knees, completely helpless. He wants dad in the hospital longer, He wants us trusting more, He wants us to have more teachable hearts.

Give us those teachable hearts, God. And if it's Your will, heal our Pops. And for crying out loud, some more uphills on this roller coaster would be much appreciated. Hmmm...am I teachable yet?.....

Prayer Vigil

See the previous post for the most recent update, but here's info on a prayer vigil that our sweet friend Patti Hall has organized:

Prayer Vigil for the Bohrman Family

Phil 4: 6-7 says…Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

If you would like to hold the Bohrman family up in prayer and present your requests on behalf of them to God, please join us in a prayer vigil scheduled for Friday, March 9 beginning at 6:00 p.m. continuing through Saturday, March 10 until 6:00 p.m. at the chapel of Alliance Bible Church.

Email Patti Hall at
webelieve04@hotmail.com to let me know the date and time frame you are available. Please include your phone number in the email in case we need to call you. If possible, list two or three different hours you would be available, and then we will compare everyone’s schedule and email or call you to let you know what time you are scheduled for.

Whether you are able to join us in the vigil or not, we know that God hears our prayers and he is faithful so just keep those prayers coming in!

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Day 84

Dad had another good day yesterday. He was positive, happy, and hard-working...all answers to prayer. Cole spent the day with mom at the hospital, and was even able to go to therapy with Bapa. He was put to work helping Bapa do his exercises, playing catch with a balloon, even playing Connect Four...or at least attempting to. It was just a good day all around.
Today Pops felt a little sick and was running a slight fever. They took a chest x-ray and we should get the results tomorrow...we pray, pray, pray that it's not pneumonia or an infection. Our hope is that he wakes up feeling better tomorrow and can return to therapy. Because he wasn't feeling well, he didn't get into his wheelchair at all today, so we hope he will be able to get out of bed tomorrow. Big prayers that tomorrow is a better day.
As mom said, for now it seems he's "on the mend". His attitude has certainly taken a turn for the better and he is more himself. Hard to believe that twelve weeks ago today was the accident. As I think about the emotions of that first day, I am reminded what a miracle it is that dad is even here. It really is amazing. Only by God's grace....
Thanks for the prayers...84 days worth...and still counting. God is good. Onward and upward.